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fail ,, !!
jiyaaaahhh ,,, ahuuhuhuh ,,,
why yah ??? ,,, ummmhh ,,, some factors ,,,
1.
Its about mentally journey inside of me ,,, . Jadii ,, ( #as my self assmnt ,,, ) ,,, karena taon lalu ,, felt dh good ,,, trush inside me say :: trush ??? whats happened if my worship get max ??? nothing ! ,, . its just will through with another life’s schene ,, which are ,, happiness ,, sadness ,, anger ,, life’s problem ,,, bete ness ,,, all stuff feeling in human life ,,, . Then, what the point is ????
2.
me have another thought that justify for point no.1, which is ,,, as well as told in hadits ,,, that helping others ,,, is much much much better than worship in the masjidil haaram or Nabawi mosque ,,, . Imagine ,, ! ,,, . I thought ,, terush ngapain gw ngaji2 ??? ato solat di banyakin d bulan ini ( solat wajib + rawatib + dhuha, still priority yezh ,, !! ) ,,, ??? ketika gw helping people ,,, dh more than those worship ,,, ???? . Worship gw ajah blom tentu khusyuk gaizzh ,,, jiyakkakakakka ,, .
So yezh, i help much others ,,, dengan rejeki pemeberiyan aLLah swt ,, alhamdulillah ,,, . Every wiken morning ,,, gw mbit-an keliling jakarta ,,, nyari orang2 di jalan yg hidupnya terlihat susah ,,, dan yg bisa gw beri sedeQah ,,, . SedeQahnya dh gw siapin sebelumnya ,, . And am very happy to do this ,,, . Sebenrnya ini dh brlangsung juga seblm ramadhan sik ,, xuman pas ramadhan jadi lebih banyak ajah ,, .
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anyway ,,, i fail in this Ramadhan ,,, .
bukan tentang technical ibadahnya ajah ,, ( solat, ngaji, sedeQah, dll ) tapi juga tentang “soul” nya ,,, . Karenaaaaaa ,,, intinya ,,, gw decrease iman / kepercayaan ,,, pada allah swt ,,, ( refer to point no.1 ) ,, . Syedichnya ,,, !!
iya ih ,, nulis ini ajah ,, hati gw syedich nged ,, !! karena hubungan gw ma allah swt jadi renggang ,, yaa ,, karena perbuwatan / pikiran gw sndiri ,,, .
Hubungan gw ma allah swt is penting nged ,, !! ,, . Mgkin gw ada sedikit keciwa yezh ,, ada bbrpa hal doa yg tidak/belum di kabulkan ,, . Gw pun santuy ,, dan default gw positif thinking kok ,, . Tapi ,,, remaining pikir tentang keinginan / doa yg tidak trkabul ,, sptnya jadi sumbu wat syeitoonn trkutuk ,, dan akhirnya selalu jadi cobaan idup gw yezh ,, herman dweeehh ,, !!!! ( #msh tringat case mamak duluw ,, heheheh )
am 40 y/o ,,, dan mash terush mncari inti kehidupan ,,, .
aneh ga sik ???
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