Toxic ,, ??

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temen 1 sirkel tp d luwar aji said ,, kurlebnya :: gw ru sadar, prtemanan xan ituh ,, trmasuk kasar loh ,, kadang bsa separah ituh ngomongin 1 sama lain di belakangnya. Dan yazh ,, qt punya banyak wag yg isinya orang2 nya itu2 lagi tapi minezh si A B C ,, wkkwkwkwkkw ,, . Gw pribadi sik ,, untuk yg wag ,, ga pernah bikin sndiri ,, di invite ajah gituh ,, trush nnti orang2nya ada yg baper, trush left sndiri ,, trush after months nor years, balik lagi ,, wkkwkwkkwkwk ,,, .

SikoLog blg ,, kl pertemanan dah lebih dari 7 taon ,, it will be for ever ,, !!!
I agree loh ,, !! ,, . Karenaaaa ,,, in those years ,, qt dh tw jerowan masing2 ,, dan ngelaluwin banyak hal ,, bahkan mungkin yg kritis sekalipun, dan qt melewatinya ,, . Jadiii ,, whats gonna be more worst after ?????

gw trmasuk manusiyak di pertemanan inih ,, yg lebih hanya “menyaksikan” sajah smuwanya ,, . Ga trlalu deep ,, . Dan gw pun juga ga pernah share hal2 pribadi gw dengan yg laen ,, mgkin more dengan kanop, karena sering jalan b2 jugak ,, . Ituh jg lebih sharing keee ,, hal pemikiran sik ,, bukan sharing masalah2,,, . Kalo kanop sik iyak, masalah mulu yg di share ,, wkkwkwkkwkwk ,, . But lain dr ituh ,, none ,, . We hv great times ajah ,, . and we are having fun togather ,, . at least,, me think we did ,, wkwkkwkwkkwkwwkwk

Personally ,, kalo di bilang inih prtemanan toxic ,, ummhh ,, ga jugak loh ,, . Iyah siiiiiiikk ,, some time it was got sooooo worst ,, . But somehow ,, just BUMB ,, kami kembali baik ,, kwkwkkwkwkw ,, . Dan kebaikan dalam pertemanan inih no kaleng2 loh ,, . We can sacrifice much more than others friend relationship i think. Iyah ituh dalam segi materi, perasaan, waktu ,, and mores ,, . Pun tak di sangkal, julitannya cam nge julid di neraka ,, wkwkkwkwkkwkwkwkkw ,,, .

moreover ,, in this age around ,, we, eh ,, gw dink ,, hv thought anyhow ,, relationship should be give benefits in the day after ,,, no argue in this statement. Yup ,, the implementation can be so heterogeneous,, with no out from the goals.

so ,, i will stand in for any relationship type if that give me benefit for the day after ,, .

I will ,, i try ,,, do my best for you gayzh ,, indeeed ,,, . May we get back to gather again in the day after ,,, in the goodness and happiness ,, . amiinn amiiinn aamiinn ,,

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Shocking fact ,,,

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wiiwiwiwiwi ,, this week ,, found final shocking fact about pa bozh ,,, hehehheheheheh ,, . Just can not understand it ,, and am very very very emotional to this situation ,, indeed ,, .

so ,,
#o iya ,, i will intense to use english version due to my current job isn’t supporting my english language further more conversation ,, wkkwkwkwkkwkw ,,

So ,,, last month ,, i think maybe end of Dec ,,, our Bozh inform us, its more like to give us ( SM of each section ) direction to make promotion for our staff ,, . But at that moment i said ” in my opinion its not qualified yet to get promotion this year ,, “. Dah tuh ,, .

thus, 2nd week of Jan ,, Bozh asked Ncang about the promotion ,,, also about my staff . I said the same ,, . I wonder why he terrored ncang ,,, why not asked me again directly if he didnt agree with my opinion ?? get argue with me ,, . And i said to ncang that time :: ” if he (bozh) want to promote my staff by him self ,, pleased ,, . while i promoted to M1, i promoted by DM directly not by my SM ,, . DM have that power ,, ” . Ncang said ,,, ” maybe i will promote my staff due to urgent need for scm section ,, “.

THen ,, end of Jan ,, and again ,, through ncang ,, Bozh asked us to give him the reason why these staffs can not get promotion ,, . Because i was got annual leave, ncang said :: mb hafi please sent the reasons via wasap and i will collect and sent to bozh ,, . I felt weird. So i send the reason via email ,, aka officially ,,, . In my thought ,, ncang will do the same and our bozh will get clear objective from his SMs ,, .

at that time ,, of course am upset aka kzl ,, why bozh not asked directly ,, is it so hard for him ??? and hv to got terror ncang ??? ,,,, . But yaa ,, i thought ,, ya sudah lah yezh ,,, . Personally ,, if bozh want to promote my staff not through me ,, its ok ,, . As objective ,, from my side ,, my staff still can not go promote this year ,, .

Last week ,, randomly i asked ncang ,, ” ncang ,, how bout the promotion ??? “. Ncang said :: ” no one get promotion mb ,, ” . I just thought ,, owh ,, Okeee ,, which means both of them rejected by bozh based on objective email that we sent end of Jan ,, .

DaaaaaaaaaaaaaN PECAH lah this week ,, . Iseng2 i asked ncang ,, ” ncang ,, i want to see your comment about your staff ,, ( the objective mail, that i thought he sent end of Jan ) ,, . And you know what he answred ???????????????????????????? ,,,,, ” saya sudah sempat bikin tapi belum rapi dan belum di kirim ke bozh ,, . Tapi setelah liat email mb hafi ,, saya di panggil dan bozh bilang 22nya ga promosi taon eni, tapi taon depan “.

WHAT THE FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANJING NGED TUH BOZH ,, !!!!!
LOE MO NAEK IN STAFF GW ?? YA NAEKIN AJAH ,, !! GA PERLU LIWAD GW JUGA BISA ,, . JANGAN KRNA LOE GA SUKA MA GW, LOE GA NAEKIN STAFF ORANG LAEN !!!. KESIAN STAFF ORANG, GEGARA GW GA APPROVE YG LOE MW ,, TRUSH TANPA OBJECTIVE APAPUN, LO GA NAEKIN YG 1NYA LAGI ,, . ANJING LOE EMANG !!!. DI MANA LOE TW (BUKAN NGERTI, KARNA OTAK LO DI TINGGAL DI BANTAR GEBANG), KEBUTUHAN SECTION SEBELAH UNTUK NAEKIN STAFFNYA MELIHAT QUALITAS SM ITUH SENDIRI YG BAHKAN JAWUH DI BAWAH STAFF YG MO DI NAEKIN. ANJING SUMPAH !! MUWAK GW MA ELU !!

gw ,, jarang se emosi inihhhhhhh ,,, . Dan minggu ini ,, gw full nged of anger ,, ampe solad isinya xuman pengen diredain inih emosi ,, hehehhehehe ,, . #inih ajah nulis lagi,, gw spanneng lagi mpe ubun2 ,,, .

gw tw ,, lo bego ,, lo tolol ,, lo ga suka ma gw ,, tapi jangan lah ketidaksukaan loe ma gw impact ke orang laen ,, . Ingad, karma ituh ada ,, !! ,, . Aseli dari sejak informasi doi mo dimutasiin by AI-1, doi kek ga suka ma gw ,, . Apalah apalah peran gw dengan lo ga di suka ai-1 ?? ziroh !! ,, . Lo d blg ai-1, ga pantas mimpin logistic ya ituh masalah lo, bukan gw ,, .

phewww ,,
se emosi ituh gw ,, .

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dan jelas !!! ,, it will be impact to my action next ,, . I dont know what its gonna be for next week on so on ,, .

gw ga peduli ma logistic ,, . Yazh responsible gw sbgy SM harus dipertanggungjawabkan ,, . Tapiii ,, dengan smuwa ketidakjelasan arahan dari Bozh, banyaknya job yg di skip ( misal transportation mo di bikin sect sndiri, tanpa informasi apa pun ,, ) ,, i think i dont hv responsible that much juga sik ,, just sesuwaynya ajah ,, .

Just look at Logistic nowdays ,, in your direction ,, just running out ajah tuh ,, . And who cares anyway ?? No body !! ,, . Just let it be ,, . I will just put rice on each plate as well ,,, . But, it will be never be the same again with the bozh ,, .

yah ,, it might just my 1st experience related the promotion ,, . Trush baper maksimal ,, wkkwkwkwkwkwkkw ,,, . Norak yk ??? . Gw xuman ga abis pikir ajah ,, . Yg mgkin hal spt ini, masih akan gw hadapi lagi kl gw masih di aji ,, .
Well actually this is the second sik. Last year, i eager to promote mbD from ST4 to ST5, we already had 2 times mtg, but somehow it just nothing happen ,, . But last year, i dont hv no full right also due to some irregular situation lah ( as official am the SM, but as job desc i just joined ).

yah ,,,
gpp lah ,, . Semoga doi di geser beneran taon enih ,, . Emang secara facta ga bisa sik mimpin logistic. Gw ngomong ini, bukan brarti gw bisa loh. Gw pun butuh arahan baik jika mo di jadikan DM, but gw ga dapet apa pun di jaman doi, minezh bahkan ,, aka pinter kagag begok iya. Butuh tandom yg bagus jugak kl mo jalan bareng di 1 dept tuh nor 1 company.

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anyway ,,,
mangad hafikuw ,,,
inged yezh ,,, ini bukan tentang doi, bukan tentang aji, bukan tentang emosi loe. Sekali lagi ,, this is still tentang allah swt yg loe harus terush fokezh untuk tujuwan loe brtemu dengan THE LORD. And you can not meet The LORD with this anger ,, hehehehhehehe ,,,,,
di bawa chill ajah ,, tetep terush brbuwat baik semampu yg loe bisa ,,
mangaaddd ,, ??

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POV ,,,

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jadiiiiii ,,, se otis2 nya gw ,, se introvert2 nya gw ,, se sedikitnya temen gw ,,, gw menyimpulkan bahwa ,,,

  1. tiap orang ituh xuman mo di denger 1st, dengerin orang adalah hal yg kesekiyan
  2. tiap orang ituh ,, totally merasa dirinya paling bener ,, bahkan wat blind spot yg cukup – sangad blind #Loh ,, wkkwkwkkwkwkkwk
  3. tiap orang ituh ego nya luwar bysaaakkk ,, sangad ,,

dan ituhlah manusiyak ,,
dan ituhlah gw ,,

karena gw manusiyak ,, versi gw ,, POV gw ,, gw cukub banyak mendengarkan orang ,, . Totally gw amad sangat jarang share yg seriyuzh pemikiran nor perasaan dll lah ,, pun sharing ,,, its just for fun ,, or wat sosialisasi ajah ,, nothing so serious ,, . what i said ,, it just to feeding their ego ,,, . i dont care much either ,, .

sometimes ,, muak sik ,, tapi ,, its needed wat sosialisasi. Susih yk nemu orang yg apa adanya ajah gituh ,,, . Ya pasti orang baik sik. Gw ajah ga apa adanya juga kan ke orang2 around gw ,, xixiixixxiix ,, .

well ,,
thats life baby ,, xiixixixiixixixi

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yazh hafiiiii ,,,
ini kolam hafiii ,,,
brtahanlah di sini ,,,
bersavarlah di sini ,,
karena kesavaran pintu syurgaaahhh ,,,,,,,
#lagh tapi kan emang selama ini gw savar yk ,, ?? wkkwkwkkwkwk

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SeNen, 06.Feb.2023

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WFH !!! iyeaayy ,,, !!! ,, . Lagi needs this WFH ,, wkkwkwkkw . Why ??? Yh you know me better lah milie ,, wkkwkwkkwkwk ,,

Dengan smuwa duniyakwik inih ,, yg somehow sudah trprediksi arahnya ,,, Versus ,,, dengan smuwa ke over thinking an gw ,,, dengan smuwa up and down hormone guwe ,,, dengan smuwa gw ,,, sampay kapan yak bisa brtahan ??? ,,, sampay kapan yk ini brlangsung ,, ?? and how its gonna be end up ??? ,,, . well ,,, its just spinning arround ,, more and more ,, over and over ,, isnt it ??? ,, hehehhehehe ,, .

am i still vituperate my self inside ??
yah ,, still ,, ?

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duhh ,, banyak yg belom di ceritak in ,,,
dari yg jalan2 jogjezh ,,, mpeee ,, mpe apaan yak ??? kwkwkwkkwk ,, .

yg jelaaasss ,,, tudeyy ,,, rasa ketakutan seminggu kemaren dh ulang ,, bisa menikmati duniyakwik lagi ,, . Mgkin smuwa tentang hormone ??? ,,, hehehhehehehe ,, .

But yezh ,,,, tentu gw akan terush brusaha meningkatkan ibadah gw ,,, . Awareness ini ,,, pun up and down ,,, akan linier dengan usaha gw yg up and down ,, . Sebisa mgkin ,, semampu mgkin ,, semaksimal mgkin ,, till end of time ,,,

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menuLizh ,,,

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kerjaG ,,,

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jodoohh ,,,

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dan ini itu ,,

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minggu ini ,, hati jiwa gw trisi ,, oleh ketakutan ,, sangat ketakutan ,, akan kematian ??? ,, yup ,,, akan ,, kehidupan real after death ,,, . Bener2 bikin gw ilfil ma duniyakwik ,,, . Mpe malezh nged bahas wasap yg ga penting ,,, se significant ituh ,,, hingga ada yg mention :: hafi mo pelan2 meninggalkan qt ,, qt hormati keputusannya ,, .

hari jumat malam – sabtu ,, akhrnya ni feels mule mncair ,, mule bisa merasakan duniyakwik lagi ,,, . Bisa denger musik lagi ,, bisa nongton lagi ,,, heheheheh ,, . Iya yak ,, hal2 duniyakwik akhiradwik ,, mang ga bisa berjalan beriringan ,, . You need to choose one ,, .

kl gw sik ,,, masih kek nge balance gitu ,,, . Musik / nongton, bisa gw denger 1 x seminggu or 1x /2 minggu ,, . Wiken waktunya menikmati duniyak ,, weekdays ,, sibuk wat a b c d ,, wkkwkwkw ,, . Padahal mah gitu2 ajah ,, wkwkkwkw ,,

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Tp jujurly ,,, gw mang beneran makin makin ga bisa menikmati duniyakwik inih sik ,, cam ga trtarik ajah gituhh ,,, cam mo yg realistis2 ajah wat goal idup gw iaitu keselamatan di akhirat ,,, .

jadi inged ,, waktu jalan ke jogjezh kemaren ,, kampit nanyak :: “apa doa wat duniyak lo jah ???”. Gw langsung jawab :: “gada !!!. Doa gw xuman wat keselamatan di akhirat sanah ,,, . #baru mikir# ,,, mang ada doa / kebutuhan manusiyak selain ituh ??? ,,, “. Tapi abis ituh gw lanjutin sik ,, ya pasti ada doa2 biar dilancarkan bayar hutang/cicilan dilindungi dari orang2 jahat bla bla bla ,,,

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gw ,,, saat ini ,,, beneran lemah lelah menjalani idup ,, idup gw yg begitu baik ,, yg krna dalam flat idup gw inih, susahnya bertahan ituh dalah dalam kebaikan ,, lawannya yaaa ,,


hafikuw ::
ya allah ,,, aq begitu lelah mnjalani hidup ini ,,, . Jiwa ku ,, lelah dengan ketakutankuwh sndiri pada Mu ya aLLah swt ,,, . Yang fikir kuwh, tidak bisa meeee ,,, ncerna dengan baik/tenang ttg huru hara di hari akhir kelak ,, . Yang padahal aq tw ,, Engkaw maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang ,,, . Yang padahal aq tw ,, kasihMu menhaduluwi murkaMuw ,,, . But still ,, ketakutan kuwh ,,, beyond all of that ,, and i cant handle this one ,,, . Its makes me up and down ,, and reacted with all my humanities ,,, .

hafikuw ::
what should i do ya allah ???
what should i do ???
what should i do ???

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Akhirad ,,,

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duluw ,, akhirad ,,, kehidupan akhirat ituh ada di penghujung mata ,,, yg jawuh ,, tapi i know its there ,,, and i will get there later ,,, .

sekarang ,, kehidupan akhirat beneran dah kek rasa ,, scheduled trip ,, dalam waktu dekat ,,, . Iyah ,, yg rasa ,, dh tw kapan krna rasa ter schedule ,, ( tp padahal ga tw ) ,, tapi dh soon bakal jalan ke trip ituh ,, . Ituh bisa ajah minggu depan bulan depan taon depan ato beberapa taon kedepan.

orang bilang ,, kl ada rasa ini ,, artinya bakal panjang umur ,,
amin sodara ????????????

pikiran kalud fi ??? ,,, absolutely ,,, .
Apa yk ??? gw rasa ,, yg kalud xuman gw doank ,, yg laen kagag !! apa krna ga kliatan / ekspresif kl mereka juga kalud yk ????? . Keknya almost around me ,, anteng2 bae with all of this certainty ,, . Gw kan jadi mikir lagi ,, is it really gonna be happen ??????? even sooner or later ???????

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hmmhh ,,,, be calm hafikuw ,,,,

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